50 essential rules when dealing with hunters
by BookObsesserNumberOne
Summary: Compiled from different fan bases, some Supernatural, some not.


**Disclaimer: Don't own Supernatural. Or about half of these as long as we're talking. Some of the sources are Cassie Winchester (on this site) and a variety of other fans from other fan bases.  
**

**Warning: I am not responsible for the consequences of disobeying these rules.**

50 essential rules, compiled by me, for working with hunters.

1. Never replace the salt with sugar.

2. Cheesecake is not an addition to any spell. I may, however, go and get a cheesecake once a hunt is completed.

3. Writing " Devil's Trap" in a circle is not the same as an actual devil's trap.

4. Solid black contact lenses are not appropriate for any occasion.

5. While no doubt effective, yelling "Christo!" at anyone I'm interrogating is not advisable.

6. I am not a vampire, werewolf, shape shifter, or any other creature if they say I'm not.

7. When I behead a vampire, it is not appropriate to yell. " OMG! Spike! I'm sorry, Spike, I didn't mean it."

8. Even if it's blond and overdoes the hair gel.

9. The same goes for "Remus Lupin" when killing a werewolf.

10. The Supernatural books are a good source for information on hunts. However, whatever Wincestuous fan fiction I write is not.

11. I am not a Harry Potter-style witch.

12. I am not a member of the House of Life.

13. Pokemon are not " summonable allies" and I should stop waving Pokemon cards in monsters' faces.

14. No matter how awesome I may think they are, Disney songs are not exorcisms.

15. Bigfoot does not exist, and I should stop finding a way to blame all the hunts on him.

16. Drawn-out philosophical discussions about the gender of shape-shifters do not count as research.

17. Once you've heard one joke about werewolves eating their victims' hearts, you've heard them all.

18. I must cure my addiction to astral projection, no matter how cool I find walking through walls.

19. I am not allowed to put " Professional Card Shark" on business cards whenever I leave the scene of a hunt.

20. Putting demons and angels in therapy together is not a good idea.

21. I am not the " Lord Chluto" and I do not require human sacrifice on the half moon.

22. Contrary to popular belief, stakes do not work on vampires.

23. I am not an evil ninja minion of anyone.

24. Calling Information and asking for the location of Purgatory is probably going to get me committed to a mental institution.

25. Hunters are supposed to have a strong stomach. No exceptions.

26. Saying "Don't cross the streams" when firing guns is only funny the first time. If any time at all.

27. Never, ever say " You know, in most cultures, people are _supposed _to leave their families when they become adults." Especially when one of the family has just left the hunting lifestyle.

28. When talking to a hunter, don't yell " What?" in increasing volumes to whatever they say.

29. The bottom of the swimming pool does not smell like cherries.

30. The Elder Swear is not an immensely powerful incantation that causes anything to go into seizures no matter how much Dumbledore flops around when saying it.

31. There is no such thing as the Chartreuse-Eyed Demon.

32. Saying "Book 'em Danno." at the end of each hunt is only funny the first time.

33. I am not allowed to say " You know, maybe you should drink less in the middle of the hunt... you could shout out valuable information."

34. Demons exist. Daemons from the His Dark Materials universe do not and I should stop confusing the two.

35. I must never paint any car pink, however much I hate it.

36. When fighting djinns, saying " Can I get a few of those tattoos?" is not advisable.

37. Following angels around saying " And also, acting as people think you would act means never getting Molotov-ed with holy fire" and other phrases with " acting as people think you would act" in them is similarly not advisable.

38. Wendigos are not to be confused with Mendigo, even if they get the reference.

39. "Evil cackling is so, like, 1300s." is not acceptable when dealing with witches.

40. Writing Wikipedia articles of my hunts will get me committed to a nice white padded place.

41. Walking into a vampire nest and yelling " I am Jane of the Volturi!" will not gain me safe passage.

42. Chucky does not exist.

43. Neither do unicorns.

44. Walking up to a demon and saying. " Dude, you have a serious ego problem" will get me killed.

45. A knife that is iron on one side, silver on the other, has a salt canister in the hilt, and has been blessed by a priest is not the ultimate hunting weapon. Well, maybe it is, but I should stop calling it that.

46. Breaking the seals before Lilith gets to them is not a way to stop the apocalypse.

47. Yelling " Let 'em have it!" before a demon-angel fight is not acceptable no matter what side I'm backing.

48. I am not allowed to go to Supernatural fan conventions. There are far too many ways to get into trouble there.

49. When putting a spirit to rest, " Rest in peace" is the proper term. Not " see ya, sucka!" or " Go toward the light, Alfred."

50. This list is not to be used as a checklist.


End file.
